Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
