It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
