feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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