Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
