I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
