I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
