my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
