Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
