So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Watching her eat just hurts me
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
