I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
