Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Alive.
So much puke
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
