its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
