i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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