So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
