I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
