grandma shit on top of the toilet
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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