No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
