Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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