Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
