I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
