just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
