dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
