I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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