You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
