They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
