Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
