She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
