I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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