he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
