I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
