somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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