I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
