I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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