"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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