What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
