You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I still have a little drunk in my system
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
