I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
