I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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