if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
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