Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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