The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
my poor anus
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
