the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Acid is not a monday night drug
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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