By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
