Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
