Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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