Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
