What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
