I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Duck Duck Cougar?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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