you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
