Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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